Over the course of the last three years my life has suffered a tremendous loss of relationships. Relationships that were once vibrant and alive now mere echoes of the past. At the start is was like friendships were dropping like flies. I remember being so dismayed at the fact that so many people I genuinely cared about all but became strangers in what literally seemed like days. It was all rather abrupt. These were people I called family. People I had shared numerous memories with. People that knew things about me that no one else did. People I had laughed, cried, rejoiced, fought, worked, won, lost, and journeyed with. It was really haunting to begin with and I remember questioning God about why this was all unfolding the way it was.
Was it me?
Where they ever really authentic?
Was this the way life naturally unfolds?
These along with countless other questions lingered in my mind for months. I never received a direct response or answer as to why this all took place. It wore on me for over a year and I truly could still not grasp as to why years of labor was burned up in a blink of an eye. Over the next two years there were several instances where we were severed from people. Never as dramatic and abrupt as the first go around, but never the less still very impacting on my life. So several more people walked away and I was left asking God the same questions that I was a year prior. Still with no avail.
Grasping that there is an, ever increasingly evident, dividing line between you and so many people you love is truly a hard pill to swallow. But it was the lesson that God was trying to teach me through this season of my life. The whole reason I am writing is because over the course of the last four months that line has become more vivid than ever. I have been stuck somewhere between being numb to the loss and half-expectant. There hasn’t been any recent separation but I know in my Spirit that it is coming.
Through it all is seems that I finally understand why. This week I really began to inquire to the Lord about this subject. About why it has happened and why do I know deep in my bones that it is going to happen again. He spoke so plainly to me, “Son they are not willing to go where you are headed”. Note I am not saying, assuming, or implying that I am some mighty man who is pioneering some movement or going to some place no man has ever been willing to go. I am saying that I understand now that the only way for me to proceed on to where the Father has planned is by walking away from some relationships. Not because they are inherently detrimental to my walk or journey but that they merely refuse to press on to the next stage!
The Holy Spirit brought to my remembrance the story of Joshua&Caleb. The instance where They had just returned from scouting the promise land! How all the people around them refused to move in to the land God had promised them simply because they refused to believe what God had spoken. Joshua and Caleb saw the land, tasted the goodness that it yielded, and were beyond excited to seize the Promise of God. Because of the Nations unbelief they proceeded to wonder through the Wilderness for forty years before they ever were able to step into the Promise of God. God swore to the Israelites that no one in that generation would enter into the promise land because of their unbelief. Joshua and Caleb spent the next forty years of their lives wanting to go where no one else was willing to go, and with every death(their parents, uncles, aunts, etc.) was a reminder that they were a step closer to seeing their dream become a reality.
It wasn’t very comforting but Fathers response let me know that every dead relationship, as sucky as it was, is and will continue to be a reminder that I am that much closer to stepping into the Dreams God has placed in my heart. I know loss is hard, and I don’t know exactly where you are at but I want to encourage you to press on! Do not let the fear of losing relationships hold you back from stepping into the fullness of Gods plan for your life!
To whom, Through whom, and for Whom all things Exist