The idea of having the chance to be a Father one day was a huge dream of mine as a kid. Honestly to have a family and to get the chance to be a Father was my biggest dream. I am so beyond blessed to be living this dream out today! My son terrifies me in a good way and in a few weeks he will be two years old which is honestly mind-blowing. The last two years have been a serious learning experience for me! I am not convinced anyone goes into this thing knowing how to be a good father. I do not think anything can really prepare you for fatherhood. Not to mention, I always felt like I had a disadvantage because my Dad had never been super involved in my life. My parents divorced when I was young and all that other typical American statistical crap but that is another story for another day. I knew I had a lot to learn but I did not realize how much I really had to learn.
So how did a 21 year old guy from a fatherless home learn how to become a father? By God showing me what a real father looked like. There was more too this whole thing than me learning to be a good Father(Jesus is sly like that). Christ used the birth of my son as a pivotal moment in life to truly reveal the heart of The Father not only too me, but in me! The last two years since my son’s birth have been used to greatly clear out all the misconceptions I had clung to for years of the Father revealed in Jesus Christ.
There are not enough words for the lessons I have learned. I could go on for days about grace after grace that has awakened my heart in this season of fatherhood. That being said I really want to focus on one particular lesson I learned in the first two months of my sons life. Like all new dads this “Dad” thing was totally new to me, women seem to hit the ground running while we stand there scared crapless, and I was up to bat for changing the dirty diaper. I was so relieved when I realized it was just a wet diaper and not a smelly one.
So I laid him down, got the old diaper off, and started to clean him up. The moment that cold baby wipe touched him it was as if it activated nerves connected directly to his bladder! Urine went everywhere! All over him, all over the floor, and all over me! Naturally, I panicked! I do not do well with bodily fluids as it is but this was bad. He got urine in his eyes which made me feel horrible. So I scoop my naked, screaming, and pee covered son up and run to the bathroom where my wife was. I am frantic. It does not seem like a big deal to her which aggravated me. I was over reacting but for good cause I suppose. I stood there holding one hand supporting his head and neck and the other under his butt and lower back.
THEN IT HAPPENED
As if the urine was not bad enough… He started pooping. Do you remember where my hand was? It was so gross! By this time I am sweating, frustrated, and border line having a panic attack with a hand full of baby crap. My wife was laughing hysterically. To me this was no laughing matter. She was really enjoying herself at my frazzled state, honestly I do not blame her. We ended up both laughing very hard about the whole situation. So long story short we cleaned him up, got new clothes on him, and got him all back warm and toasty. It was a very rememberable experience. Especially after what Holy Spirit started teaching me through it.
Judah peed on himself and it hurt my heart. That is how the Father feels for us. He hurts when we do things that cause our lives to be less than amazing. Whether they be voluntary or involuntary makes no difference. Just like I was so hurt that he had gotten urine in his eyes the Father’s heart aches when we do things that will only hurt us. He was revealing the implanted love of God in me! I got so riled up over something that was not a big deal. I believe fully that the Father makes a big deal over even the little things in our lives! He loves us that much. Even more so when we, like my son take a crap on our Father, his love is not diminished. When we walk away from him, disobey him, hurt him, he still loves us with such a great love! His desire is always to clean us up, clothe us in his grace, and to hold us close to his heart!
It was such a huge revelation to my heart! Such a simple yet eternal truth. Our Father has always been for us! Even before the foundations of the world he has loved us! We have always been the forethought of his mind! He longs for us! Drink deep of your Father’s love today! Learn what is the immeasurable love and grace that has been made your’s in Christ Jesus!
Through whom, to whom, and for whom all things exist!