If I Am Being Honest

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If I am being honest the last few weeks have been really tough.

If I am being honest I have said a few cuss words in the last few weeks.

If I am being honest I said a few cuss words in my prayers in the last few weeks.

If I am being honest I am not a fan of crying but I have done it a lot in the last few weeks.

If I am being honest In the last few weeks I have been an emotional wreck between all the needless death and war.

If I am being honest I am appalled at the western church’s response to the the undercurrent of racism and oppression in our country.

If I am being honest I do not want anything to do with a faith that merely prays for a change in circumstances on Sunday and goes about their lives the rest of the week.

If I am being honest I am broken that we can condone torture more than that of people who reject the notion of the loving God we claim to serve.

If I am being honest I have not hardly posted in three weeks because either the words were not there or the words I did manage to find were far too unsafe to post.

If I am being honest I can’t breathe because I could not see that my brothers and sisters have been struggling for air for so long.

If I am being honest I do not feel like I can really be as honest as I want to be.

For the first time in my life I have been celebrating Advent. It is a time for longing and refocusing on that which is our hope and ultimate desire. It is a celebration of Christ’s first coming, it is a looking hopefully forward to His return, and it is a looking for Him here and now in the present. Honestly I picked a perfect time to celebrate these Holy Days because I have never in my life been so grieved for humanity and it was such a perfect time to join in with the song of all creation.

The whole creation is crying out “Come Lord! Bring your justice and peace like the dawn! Make all things new! Awaken us from this slumber and ready our hearts for you! Bring and end to the darkness!”

And boy have these weeks been full of darkness. Wrongful deaths, wars, school bombings, hostage situations, and injustices have been rampant. Not that these things are new but man it has seemed like one thing after another these past few weeks. I struggle to turn on the TV because I am not sure I can bear what will inevitably scroll across the screen. I do not understand how anyone can not honestly be grieved but it seems that so many of us go totally unaffected and altogether engulfed in a total lack of compassion and apathy. As if a general numbness to these issues is not bad enough we have oceans of people that cope by casting stones and denying the world the grace they are so quick to assure me that has saved them.

If I am being honest I do not get it and I find myself running out of words again.

Through whom, to whom, and for whom all things exist!

-Ryan

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