Stars & Scars

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Psalm 146v1-6
Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting. The Lord builds up Jerusalem; he gathers the outcasts of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names. Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure.

Stars & Scars; Two things that are deeply connected in my heart. As far as I can remember I have always been filled with an immense awe and wonder of space and all that exists beyond the reaches of our small little blue planet. There was a point in time where the stars, galaxies, and quasars lost their splendor in my eyes. A time when my life was dictated by non-biblical theology. The time when I allowed Gnosticism to strip me of my awe of creation all because I was led to believe that this planet, and the rest of space and time were destined for the fire. I believed so earnestly that my King would come in flame and destruction and would not stop until not “one brick will be left on another“. I am so glad that I was wrong. I am so glad to discover that God is truly as good as I had always hoped.

I am not blaming the church of the bad theology. I am not blaming the great men a women of God that I have had the privilege to learn and grow from either. I am not even blaming myself because I realize it is all the product of a life of being scarred. None of us are perfect but that does not mean we are worthless. I am learning more and more everyday of this inherent worth that permeates all of creation; from the least to the greatest; from the stars to the men built from stardust and sand, from the sparrows who do not hit the ground without the Father knowing, all the way to the lilies of the field adorned in all their beauty. My thinking has drastically changed and for the first time in ages I look at the stars and my heart swells with awe. Lately I have had so many of those moments, where few words are spoken, where I can feel the love of God just engulf me like a sea as I gaze at the heavens and contemplate His glory. It is like some kind of brief moment of transcendence where I do not have to utter a word because the stars say more than enough. They echo the same song that is a fire in my bones for home. It is hard for me to explain honestly and in all seriousness I am trying my best not to sound like a total crack-pot in this post.

It is all like a surge of paradoxes in my heart. I feel so, so small, but at the same time a partaker of the infinite. I feel so lost and full of questions, but at the same time I have never felt more found and at home. I am learning to breathe again. That is what this last year has been about all along. Learning to breathe while God mends my wounds. Learning to forgive and forget because the people that throw stones have scarred hearts too. They know not what they do and one day they, and myself, will see clearly the truth and finally allow God to heal those parts we like to keep hidden beneath our sleeves. We will wear our scars proudly. Because the one holds the stars in their place was scarred for us so He could make all things new. That is truly good news! That our God is raising all of creation up and not burning it to the ground. That one day everything will be made right and what was good all along will be perfect and we will get the chance to sing a new song!

I can not wait!

Through whom, to whom, and for whom all things exist!
-Ryan

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