Silence

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Silence, they say it is golden. I am not sure I agree, not always at least. I often go through seasons of silence. Not silence on my end as much as silence on God’s end. I am not sure the lesson I am supposed to learn yet but I keep coming back to this wilderness. I once always equated God’s silence as the result of my lacking in effort or even a moral failure, but now I see more clearly that is not the case. The silence makes me uncomfortable, it is scary, and it makes me feel as if something is wrong with me. Despite my feelings I know that it is not true. Well I “know” but I do not feel like I know. It is a strange thing really and words fail me. It is as if I know in an intellectual way but I do not know in an emotional way.

I always refer to this silence as numbness. It is just a feeling of lack or longing. This week I cried, screamed, cussed, and yelled and at the end of my temper tantrum I was left with nothing but silence. I sat in my front yard for several minutes just begging for something….. But nothing came. I suppose for some this could result in a dismantling of their faith but I have pitched my tent here so many times that it feels like home. I suppose I would probably feel more abnormal if I did not have the experience frequently. There is a lesson to be learned here and it never comes until I finally decide to just shut up.

Psalm 46:10a“Be still, and know that I am God….

In the Hebrew this verse would be better understood as “Shut up! And trust me!”. That is where the healing, revelation, and voice begins. It is hard to deal with at first and even though I have been here a hundred times before it always takes me a while to remember I need to be quiet. We have to embrace this silence. We have to let the magnitude of what is about to be spoken;

quiet us,

Still us,

Center us.

There was a simple break in the silence for me a few days ago. I was not praying, I was not even thinking about anything of importance and all of a sudden I heard three words, four syllables, and a weight that brought tears to my eyes. The Holy Spirit spoke the words of Paul over me “buried with Him…”. That is all it took for me to remember that I have been risen to life with Jesus our Messiah. It was not much but it was enough.

I want to encourage you today! I want you to know that God hears every single prayer even if you feel like they keep bouncing off the ceiling! I want you to know there is something that comes after the silence. Something that there are not enough words to describe. Something beautiful! There is a reason you are here and all you need to know is that God is God! And He is better than you could have ever hoped!

Through whom, to whom, and for whom all things exist!
-Ryan

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