This is my first post in nearly three weeks, yet I am still hesitant to even take the time to publish these words, despite the fact of making a commitment to myself to be consistent with this venture. It has taken me three weeks to finally decide to say what is on my heart and hope for the best. That being said, I want to assure you this is directed at no particular party of group. These words come from a place of brokenness and reflection on marriage, divorce, our culture, and who I am called to be as a husband.
My life has been drastically effected by divorce. I grew up in a divided home and have seen first hand all that comes with it and the potential damage separation can cause. I want to be clear that this post is honestly not about the right and wrong that surrounds divorce and separation but rather what I have learned from divorce and a love that knows no end. I believe you would be hard pressed to find anyone who has not been effected in some measure by divorce or marital issues and that is truly heartbreaking. I know there exist certain circumstances where it may be necessary and I am no advocate for someone staying married to a spouse who is dangerous or abusive but how did we as a society, and more importantly the Church, come to a place where we treat marriage and commitment with such frivolity?
The last few months have drawn me to a place of reflection on my marriage and heartbreak for those whose marriages are failing. I have found myself growing more and more thankful for the relationship I have with my wife and can not fathom any other option. She loves we the way God loves me and that makes me a better person. Her love, her real tangible incarnate love for me enables me to be a faithful husband. She loves me with a love that knows no end. A love that flows straight from the throne room of grace!
I am told by Paul to love my wife in the same manner that Christ loves the church. There is so much in that one line and I could write for days on what that means but in the name of brevity I will settle for one facet of the great love that Christ has for the church; unyielding. His love for mankind is a constant outpouring of himself. A love that gets down knee deep in the muck and filth of our lives and loves us anyway! My heart has been captivated by this love and it has brought me into the throne room of grace even on my worst day! It is this love that was shed for us that now binds us to the infinite; we have been brought in to the fold, invited to have communion with love himself, we have been forever united with God. His faithfulness to us endures forever! I have been brought back to Paul’s words to Timothy over and over again;
2 Timothy 2v13
if we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself.
Now I am aware this verse is not about marriage but it is about the nature of Christ and if I am called to love my wife with the very love of God then this verse becomes vastly relevant to how I choose to be a husband. My wife and I have become one and, no matter how unfaithful she could be, I can not be unfaithful to her because I can not deny myself. How could I reject a giant portion of my very being? We have been united together and I am called to be faithful even on her worst day. If I were to be unfaithful I would literally be unraveling myself at the seams.
This is an understanding that I believe we as Christians must cling to! It is with in itself an agent of the very grace of God toward our spouses and is a testament of the endless love of our Creator. That is the love we are to have for our spouses, a love that knows no end; a love that endures, hopes, longs, forgives, and fights through any and all of the trials, failures, and muck that life can throw at a marriage. We are closing in our fourth anniversary and I by no means have this thing figured out yet but I know that I have been seized by a love that transcends all of me and I have no choice but to share it with my wonderful bride.
Beloved, drink deep the love that had been made yours in Christ. Let it wash over you and stand in the freedom of His unwavering grace and allow it to spill over into whatever relationships you hold dear. He will never leave you or forsake you.
Through whom, to whom, for whom all things exist.